November 10th, 2009 by Antony
There is an old saying that I grew up with which is “Adversity builds character.” Now there is a commercial on TV that says it isn’t the adversity that builds the character, it is how we deal with it that builds character. Either way you slice it, adversity not only builds character, but can lead to feelings of discouragement. Feeling discouraged at times is human nature, letting those feelings overcome you and rule your life is not healthy. There are things that you can do to over come those feelings of discouragement and beat the tough issues that are facing you.
It is important then to NOT let these negative feelings, this discouragement rule our everyday lives. We must take back control. We must be responsible for our lives and what is happening in them. YOU feel the way you do because YOU WANT to. Yes, that is right. You are feeling sad and discouraged and down trodden because right now, that is how you want to feel. Because if you didn’t you wouldn’t be. It is time for you to realize that you have the power and the control over your thoughts and emotions.
Yes, there are times when this is difficult. If life was easy what fun would it be? We must be faced with challenges, for they give us the opportunity to grow. Once you stop growing you have stopped living. Do you give up, or do you dust yourself off and try again.
I would like to think the latter is your answer. How many tries did it take for you to ride a bike with out training wheels? How long before you could not only climb up the tree, but get out without screaming for help. That one I had to learn fast, because my dad’s response was always, “You got up there now how are you getting down?”
So I ask you now, you fell down so how are you going to get back up? I am going to help you a little here by offering you a few steps you can follow so that once you get up from this fall, you may never fall again.
The first step is for you to become self aware. By this I mean that you need to know why you are feeling the way you are, the cause and how you can to stop it. I already told you the feelings of discouragement that you are battling right now you have because you want them. It is easier to give up and feel sorry for ourselves then to realize that we can change it. Acceptance is passive, requires less energy. You need to rebel and fight those feelings. Once you over come them or stop them, you will be amazed at the energy you have.
Now, step two is taking responsibility. Am I telling you that it is your fault that you failed? No. I am telling you that you are letting this setback rule the rest of your life. Everyday is a new day, filled with new opportunities to help you make life better. Are you going to throw all of those away because of what happened yesterday? Oh, wait, don’t try to tell me that it wasn’t only yesterday; your whole life has been one setback after another. That is because you believed that is what your life was supposed to be so you let it be.
I’d like you to look back at all of the good in your life, no matter how small it seems, and make a quick little list. Got it, now look out into the world, or up into the sky and say “Thank you, I am grateful for what I have.” I want you to say that five times a day after you go over the list of things that you have to be happy for.
After five days of doing this, I now want you to make a list of what you want. Be precise, don’t say “I want the promotion,” say exactly what you want. “I want to be the VP of the company.” Don’t say “I want to be free of debt,” instead say “I want to have enough money.” You can go as far as saying a dollar amount. Make sure that on this list you include that fact that “I am strong” and “I am in control.” Now on top of being grateful five times a day everyday, spend 15 minutes in the morning, before getting out of bed thinking about the list of things that you want.
If you follow these simple steps, you will overcome discouragement. You will not only feel encouraged, you will feel in charge and happy and satisfied with all in your life. The stress will be less, the joys will be more. You just need to follow those steps each day.
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Kevin Sinclair is the publisher and editor of My-Personal-Growth.com, a site that provides information and articles for self improvement and personal growth and development.
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November 9th, 2009 by Antony
Excuse me for the cliche title. However, I believe it’s fitting because these principles I feel really are the secrets to having massive success and having it fast.
Most experienced people in their area of expertise know of these principles. The first principle is: The best way to learn is to do it, screw up, and screw up fast. (The screwing up is optional but almost inevitable.)
Here’s the thing. I just had a little reminder of this principle recently. I love playing basketball and take it pretty seriously.
I had to referee 4 games with zero refereeing experience and zero refereeing training. I have no skills refereeing; I’m a player. Most players at almost any sport really don’t have a clue as to what’s going on. We just love to complain to the referee about a few calls and pretend we know what’s going on. We have no idea about how to run a game, just the basics about what is an illegal play.
I was freaking out about refereeing the games as I don’t even know how to run a game as a ref like substituting players on, how to call fouls, how to call time outs, and the most basic stuff! ha! I had to ref because the tournament organizer (my coach), made all his players ref to help fundraise an event for the next month. He ignored my plea to be released from the torture of having no experience. Here I was thrown in the deep end.
Fortunately, the first game wasn’t to bad. I had a girls game (and an experienced ref with me) and think the players mostly just respected what I did (nothing) because I’m 3 times their size.
I learned from this is if you have someone experienced by your side, they know what to expect and can guide you. This is the part where you get someone who has experience, and help them guide you during the unknown. It’s the view where your inexperience needs to be “made up” by someone else otherwise you’ll run into future problems.
New corporations that do great just about always employ a board of directors or fill other important positions with those who have experience. Get a mentor or just talk with those who have experience in areas you don’t. Let them guide you because you’ve never gone down that path while they likely have. This is a huge secret to succeeding fast.
As I said before, screw up and screw up fast. I sure did (it wasn’t that bad) as I missed a few obvious calls like one girl who should have gotten the charge as she was planted and was trampled over (silly ref 
). I learned for the next games which were more important. A later game I called my first charge which was great.
I stayed pretty quite that first game but made my first call (after having observed the other ref, what you exactly do. ha!) which was nerve raking. Like almost all fears, I had blown it out of proportion. I made the call and everyone just accepted it. What was I expecting? … to be yelled at of course.
Maybe you have a fear of being laughed at when writing a book (this was a big one for me), breaking the habitual pattern of 9-5, or jumping on the new diet. It’s likely the fear is attempting to protect you, but I’m betting you’re letting it build a 5 metre concrete wall around you such that you’re immobile.
The third game was a joke. I had to ref in front of 200+ students (it was a college game) who were standing one inch away from the sideline the entire game. The teams each had a side of the court to their own. Most of the game they were yelling abuse at each other. Why the heck was I reffing the biggest game of the night? I had no experience prior to the night and no training.
After doing that game, the following game was easy simply because it was contrasted against the third one and it just seemed easy.
You’re going to have those real tough moments when starting a diet, setting up a business, or trying to get a promotion, but get past them, and it just seems easy from then on in – even though it may not actually be that easy. For the future, you’ll have the pride and confidence knowing that you underwent those moments and they can fuel you to overcome your current problem.
There is no way I could have learned so fast if I hadn’t been thrown in the deep end. So… why not jump in? Come join me. It may be cold and deep but you can float and move around. You’ll live.
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Joshua Uebergang is a motivational communication skills expert. He teaches people both verbal and nonverbal communication skills. You can read more articles about communication and how to be successful in life by visiting his site and getting his free newsletter.
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November 7th, 2009 by Antony
If you lack success in earning money examine your core beliefs. Randy Gage, author of “Why You’re Dumb, Sick and Broke and How You Can be Smart, Healthy and Rich” believes that 97% of all people have one or more of the following as their core beliefs:
1. Money is bad
2. Rich people are evil
3. It’s spiritual or noble to be poor
What’s more, if you grew up in a modern society where you had access to television, films, and the like then these beliefs would have been programmed into you from an early age. Many parents are happy to let their children spend hours watching TV because it keeps them quiet. However, television can also do untold damage to children’s psyche.
I’m not saying that all TV is bad but the poor programmes appear to outweigh the positive programmes. Even seemingly innocent programmes such as cartoons often perpetuate the aforementioned beliefs. What’s more children are not discerning enough to truly understand the subliminal messaging within the programmes and so they absorb these messages, unquestionably, like sponges. As children grow into young people and then adults then these messages become crystallised into the core of their being. They form their core beliefs and influence everything they do.
Notice how, in the TV or movie world, bad things happen to people who are rich. Rich people are often portrayed as dysfunctional, unpleasant characters. Take JR Ewing of Dallas – a lovable rogue, but a rogue nonetheless.
Let’s take a look at Superman. Superman started out as a cartoon figure but with advent of television series and several movies this character truly does seem larger than life. Superman, like numerous other superheroes (Spiderman, Wonderwoman, Batman, Harry Potter) is an orphan. We are emotional creatures and so this immediately endears us to the character. He is brought up by the Kents, a hardworking couple who are doing okay but are certainly not wealthy by western standards.
“You have to work hard for money.”
Clarke Kent’s arch enemy is Lex Luther of Luther Corp – the rich guy who owns just about everything and who is rotten to the core. It is a common theme that the rich guys own big business and so the seeds of distrust are sewn against big businesses and those who run them.
Now there will always be a few rotten apples and so when corruption within such companies is exposed it re-affirms our negative beliefs about big companies and the people who run them. Yet, Robert Kiyosaki, author of “Rich Dad, Poor Dad”, will tell you that part of the formula for becoming rich is to own your business. Can you see how the very idea of owning a business would produce conflict in some individuals because of the belief that rich business owners are bad?
These are just a sample of the negative implications that one can draw from television programmes and movies whose primary target audience are children.
So children and young people watch these programs. What’s more, when they play they often enact scenes from these programs further engraining the negative messages.
When you weigh up the number of hours spent watching such programmes compared to the time spent doing positive activities you can see how it is sometimes so difficult to erase the negative programming. Often you may think you have effectively dealt with a specific negative or limiting belief when it shows up again in a different guise. This is why you have to:
(i) Choose effective techniques to counter your negative or limiting beliefs,
(ii) Have a range of techniques at your disposal, and
(iii) Develop personal development habits that you practise on a daily basis.
The negative subliminal messages are nearly always present in your environment. They exist like a background program. Once you recognise their sources then you can limit your exposure to them. However, it is also vital that you strengthen your mind so that:
(i) You are more aware of the negative subliminal messages as awareness will less their adverse impact, and
(ii) You build your immune system against these ‘viruses’ that threaten to corrupt your positive programming.
In addition to removing your negative programming and eliminating your negative core beliefs it’s vital that you replace those limiting core beliefs with new empowering beliefs. How about?
1. Money is good
2. Rich people are virtuous
3. It is a sin to be poor
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Nickolove Lovemore is a Life Coach, a Certified LifeSuccess Consultant and a Certified NLP Practitioner who works with individuals to help them successfully achieve their goals and achieve their full potential. Visit Achieve Life Success for special offers, gifts, other articles and news about upcoming teleseminars and other events. For free book and DVD send an email to Wealth Creation
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November 6th, 2009 by Antony
Improving social skill can be done by interacting with another person through verbal and nonverbal communication. This is carried out through speaking, body language, and listening to another person you are trying to communicate with.
Without social skills, people who find communication difficult may end up with a major social disorder later on. The causes of this are low self-esteem, lack of courage and a tendency to become a loner.
How to improve your social skill:
1. The best way of improving social skills is simply to put it in practice. By practicing, you will be able to be more comfortable later on in every social situation you can think of. When you become comfortable, you will just act naturally with other people. Being you is the starting point for effective interpersonal communication.
2. You can also study a technique like mirroring which involves practicing the way you smile, pose, lean, touch, and make eye contact – but this will take more courage compared to simple practicing. This may make you self conscious if you are not on the right track to practice it. When your mind is already set for self confidence, mirror practice is then recommended.
If you reached your goal of being comfortable with who you are, your self-consciousness will then dissolve. You will not even think about your self-image, how you may look, sound, and even react. You will just be thinking of the topics that are being discussed. With a high level of social skills, you will not even recognize the difference between talking with a friend and giving a speech to hundreds of listeners.
More tips on improving social skills:
With practice, you will soon be able to feel comfortable in every new type of interaction.
1. Try to think about social situations where you feel most comfortable with communicating, such as with old friends, family members or even playing a character in a role playing game.
2. Try to act natural when you communicate with people. Do not worry about smiling if you do not feel like smiling, instead of forcing yourself to smile within the situation. If you could simply bring that level of comfort to every social situation you are in, that will allow you to significantly improve your social skill.
3. Forming a social network is another big help. Try to be in places where you can communicate more. Find a group that shares your interests or even a whole community who are involved in those same areas of interest.
4. Try to create a self-help plan to bolster your weak areas, such as speaking too loudly or softly, or stuttering.
Communication means speaking and listening well. It cuts both ways – so if you can speak in front of a hundred people, but you cannot seem to listen when someone else is speaking, communication is incomplete. You have to keep in mind that listening is as important as speaking.
Try to be more attentive and listen to the person whom you are conversing with. The people whom you are talking with listened to you, so oblige them by being a good listener. Do this and you will be able to receive clearer messages which will lead to a better conversation.
Receiving clear messages will also allow conversations to last much longer, and produce healthier fruit.
When it comes to improving social skill, nothing is more effective than just being yourself. There are many pointers on improving social skills, but the solution lies only in your own hands. Practicing is the most effective technique for improving social skill.
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Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available only at: conversation starters
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November 6th, 2009 by Antony
Everyone has to learn how to socialize. No man is an island, the saying goes. We human beings all need someone to talk to and interact with. We have to know how to socialize. To become a sociable person, one must be naturally friendly. However, not all of us are born with this trait. The good thing is, we can practice and learn to be sociable and join the in-crowd.
The following are some guidelines and steps on how to
socialize:
1. Be natural in your actions. The worst type of person that people dislike are the phonies. Do not be afraid to show the true you. Your opinions and ideas are as good as those of anyone else. Do not pretend to be someone you are not. Someone could blow your cover, which would be very humiliating. Be yourself.
2. Have a good sense of humor. The world has a lot of problems, which is why people would generally appreciate it if you could make them laugh once in a while. Remember, laughter is the best medicine. Who knows you might be instrumental in healing someone. Maybe you should take the career of a stand up comedian (though even such professionals have their serious moments as well.)
3. Listen. Listening always marks the beginning of understanding and also the beginning of friendship. Sincerely listen to what the other person is saying and pick up the thread from there. Anyone can detect someone who is not really listening.
4. Always use an open-ended sentence or comment. This will give the other person a chance to share his ideas. It is also a help for those who are having difficulty joining the conversation.
5. Be sensitive to the feelings of others. There are some topics that may offend other people in the group. Take the smart route in shifting topics. It is wise to think first before we open our mouth. In case we have accidentally hurt the feelings of another person, always be quick to apologize.
6. Avoid being prejudiced. The usual problem is that we are prejudiced about the age of other people. Include the elderly and much younger people in your list of friends or your social group. The older people have the rich experience and knowledge about various things in this world that could help you later in your career or in your life.
7. Smile often. A smile is contagious and if you mix a friendly hello with it, you are sure to win a friend.
8. Think positive, even if not everyone is as serious as you are in making friends and acquaintances. If you meet with rejection, move on – the world has lots of friendly people.
9. Avoid the frequent use of the word I. Once you hear the word I coming from you too often, be quick to shift the topic to the other person. That would show your genuine interest in others.
10. Be confident. Know and accept who you are. Value yourself and in the process you will earn respect from other people.
11. Get out. Take the first step to meet other people. Attend gatherings or social functions. There you will meet people from all walks of life. Do not be confined in your small circle. Take advantage of the variety of people you could possibly meet. In that way, you can practice sharing and exchanging knowledge.
12. Keep abreast with current events. Having nothing to talk about is the worst thing that can happen to you in a group or during a conversation. So keep yourself updated, it will always come in handy.
Charisma, they say, is something you are born with. But there is hope for those who are not gifted with natural charisma. Practice and sincerity are the keys to mastering socialization. Knowing how to socialize would make initial difficulty in socializing a thing of the past but before long you’ll be having as much fun as the rich and famous.
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Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available only at: conversation starters
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November 4th, 2009 by Antony
Popularity is something we all seek in one form or another. This can take the form of throwing a party or even as simple as throwing someone a helping hand. Deep inside all of us there is a yearning desire to be accepted, and this should not be ignored. Repressing this desire can do nothing but prolong the pain. However, this popularity should not be a chief endeavor on your part… there must always be a more noble goal that blazes the pathway to popularity – big or small as it may be.
One goal, which will bring popularity closer to you, is to throw out a helping hand to someone. At times this is easy, and at other times, it may seem as if the popular folks have all the help they need. Your first step in this is to open your eyes and your ears to what problems your potential social group is having. Another thing to consider is if they are planning any event for the near future and would be open to your help in setting up, tearing it down, or supporting it through it’s running.
If you are seeking acceptance by a person, instead of a group, always seek out the similarities between you… find what you have in common and then take the plunge to reach out in conversation. You may not succeed your first time, or even your 30th time, but time is on your side… everyone loves a friend who takes a sincere interest in them. This follows for groups and cliques as well… reaching out to just one member with the most similarities can get you on the inside of the group.
One big consideration in gaining popularity, is to be sure you are happy with who you are, once you achieve a bit more of the popularity you seek. It’s no use to be popular but hate who you are and what you’re forced to do in order to stay popular. So, take the time to plan out who you are now, and who you want to be. In the end, it’s not the popularity that matters, so much as the acceptance of others. And the truth that many elders have shared is that it’s not really the acceptance of others we seek, but the acceptance of yourself by yourself that really is what life is all about.
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Kevin Sinclair is the publisher and editor of Be Successful News, a site that provides information and articles on how to succeed in your own home or small business.
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November 3rd, 2009 by Antony
Lucky are those who have a lot of friends and family surrounding them who accept and love them unconditionally. For this group of people, it may be difficult to imagine how a woman can be scared to stand in front of the line in a store for the simple fear that everyone behind is watching her. A young man, who fears rejection from the new people that he will potentially meet may not have the ability to go out and socialize. These two situations are symptoms of social phobia which is one of the most common fears that Americans face today.
Social phobia is also referred to as social anxiety where a person experiences fear when facing other people in a social situation or expresses unnecessary worry about what other people may think. Social phobia may come in the form of fear of public speaking, fear of joining a public or group gathering, extreme self-consciousness and worrying about what other people may think by expecting criticism and disapproval.
To learn more about social phobia, its effects and some of the ways to overcome social phobia, take a look at the following:
1. A person with social phobia will exhibit the following physical symptoms: stuttering or stammering, sweating, nervousness, heart palpitations, sweating, nausea, trembling and sometimes, even panic attacks. Sometimes, if a person exhibits extreme shyness in casual social situations, this may already be an early sign of social phobia.
If the quality of life is affected and a person does not have the ability to widen his or her social circle, these are the signs that a person has social phobia. Timidity, negative thinking, fear of humiliation, embarrassment and ridicule are additional characteristics that you need to look for in a person with social phobia.
2. Understand that there are several root causes for social phobia. A previous humiliating or embarrassing experience that was personally tragic for the person may lead to social phobia.
Genetic factors, a deep-seated shame or hatred of a family member or family background, psychological factors, low self-esteem and depression are some of the other causes which may lead to social phobia or social anxiety. By getting deep into the root of this psychological condition, you will be able to understand more the reason behind social phobia and take steps towards treating it.
3. Although there are neuro, medicinal and psychiatric treatments for social anxiety, prevention is still better than cure. If you are extremely shy and there is a tendency for you to develop social phobia, you could adapt a new way of thinking and do your best to overcome shyness and social phobia. Below are some tips:
-Get to the root of the problem for your shyness: low self-esteem. If you feel that your appearance is inadequate and you are extremely self-conscious when you go out, ask the help of a close friend to implement ways of enhancing your natural attributes. Even a new set of good clothes will give your self-confidence a boost so that you will feel more comfortable in social situations.
-If your social phobia stems from a bad experience in the past, or shame about your family background or a bad experience, get the help of a professional if you need to. Some people with bad experiences take comfort in anonymity which can lead to social phobia. You cannot move on to a brighter future if you are trapped in or haunted by the past.
-Always think positive. Developing a sense of pride about who you are and accepting the fact that every one of us is unique in his and her own way, then you will be able to adapt a more positive attitude and sort of ‘brighten’ up the way that you look at things. A positive overall perspective in life will attract more friends so that your social circle will widen and you will not have the tendency of melding into the background or even developing social phobia.
Social phobia is something that you need to get over if this fear does not give you a chance to develop healthy personal and professional relationships. No man is an island, and there is no better time to start than now if you want to cultivate a deeper relationship with other people, get rid of your social phobia and live a fuller and more meaningful life.
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November 3rd, 2009 by Antony
From the time that a child plays with or interacts with another child of his or her own age, there is already that basic need to communicate, socialize and interact. Man is a social animal and this basic need to mingle and communicate cannot be denied. This is the reason why social skills training is a necessity if you want to survive any given social situation.
Be it in a professional setting in the workplace, or a personal setting like a barbeque with friends or family, social skills training will give you a chance if you want to harness your interpersonal relationships with other people.
However, the fear of being judged, being placed under scrutiny of the public eye, fear of being ridiculed or embarrassed and a lack of self-confidence are all factors which may get in the way of your social skills development. These problems, just like any other obstacles in life, need to be overcome and there are steps that you can take to do so. Here are some tips on social skills training that you can follow so that you can widen your social circle and enhance your personal and professional relationships with other people:
1. Learn to develop a good sense of self
Often times, self-confidence issues get in the way of people developing a deeper social and personal connection. For example, fear of public speaking can be rooted from a lack of self-confidence. If you are extremely nervous about what people will think of you when you go out there to speak, then your fear will be physically manifested through heart palpitations, sweating and stuttering.
To counteract this fear, you need to develop a good sense of self. You can improve your physical appearance if that is what you personally need to boost your self-esteem. If your fear is that of public speaking, start eliminating the fear by making small talk with the people that you see everyday. This will serve as your practicing ground so that you will feel more conversant and gain more confidence as you go along.
Finally, if your fear is from the fact that you have nothing ‘intelligent’ to say, then broaden your knowledge of a wide array of topics. Take personality development trainings or related courses to add to your sense of self-worth.
2. Learn about diplomacy, conflict management and active listening
You can consider these three factors as ‘advanced’ courses in your social skills training. First, diplomacy is the manner by which a person handles disagreements between two or more parties. At work or at home, you can be immersed in a situation where you are in the middle of a conflict. Through negotiations and compromise, you can methodically and peacefully resolve conflicts as part of your social skills training.
The same thing goes for conflict management. When facing a situation where you need to ‘take sides’, you should be able to make a decision wisely without ending up harming the personal relationships that you have developed with both sides. This may be easier said than done, but by being objective, you can manage to resolve any work or family-related conflicts.
Finally, active listening is an essential social skill training that you need to have. When mingling with other people, you can probably feign interest even when your attention is not solely directed to the speaker – but what happens when it is time for you to make an appropriate comment? Will you be able to come up with a wise statement if you are not actively listening? To avoid committing social blunders, to avoid being rude and to make the other person feel comfortable, you need to actively listen rather than just hearing without actually paying attention.
With social skills training, you can develop better and more meaningful interpersonal relationships while gaining confidence in yourself with your ability to handle any social situation that will come your way.
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Peter Murphy is a peak performance expert. He recently produced a very popular free report: 10 Simple Steps to Developing Communication Confidence. Apply now because it is available only at: conversation starters
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November 2nd, 2009 by Antony
Have you ever stopped to ponder or notice how you consciously or subconsciously attract people and scenarios that coincide with your common and main interests and thoughts? Like how you and your friends get along very well together because both of you enjoy, think and always talk about baseball or soccer. Or how you were able to meet and make new acquaintances at an internet marketing summit simply because all of you came there with the common goal of learning how to profit from an online business.
It has often been said that “birds of a feather flock together”. In other words, people with the same situations, interests, habits and goals will usually gather, come or stay together.
And with the invention of the internet, this has never been more true. Just go search the internet for any topic you like, say baseball, and you are bound to find numerous forums on that topic. Forums, by the way, are online communities whereby people with common interests and likes meet to make new friends, share information, get answers related to those interests or simply just talk and discuss about their interests.
In fact, with the internet, you can attract more people with your common interests and thoughts without actually physically being near them or seeing them face to face. The more people you attract who share your common interests and goals, the better it will be to improve your rate of success.
To ensure better success, take note of the following:
1) What are your most frequent and dominant thoughts, interests and goals? Always remember that before you can attract the right people and situations to improve your rate of success, you must first and foremost identify and be clear about what you are interested in and would like to pursue .
2) Clearly analyze and examine your mindsets, attitudes and beliefs towards your interests or what you would like to pursue. If you always had positive mindsets, attitudes and beliefs and you have always taken the proper, effective measures and actions, then the likelihood of you succeeding and in turn attracting the right people to assist and aid in your success will be very much greater.
3) Who were the people you were able to attract before and what did they have in common with you? How have they assisted you in achieving your success? Will you be able to attract similar people in the future to further improve your success?
Always remember that attracting the right people and situation into your life will greatly improve your rate of success.
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